


to earn forgiveness

by skyblxssom



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Everyone deserves a hug honestly, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24610234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyblxssom/pseuds/skyblxssom
Summary: He gets what he feels like he doesn't deserve.(Alternatively: The conversation between Raven and Estelle after she was saved).
Relationships: Estellise Sidos Heurassein & Raven
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	to earn forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Am I writing for a fandom that I've never played the game of? Yes. Did I fall fast and hard for one (1) old man? Also yes. 
> 
> So it's like that. I haven't played the game so I'm unaware of a lot of stuff, though I have spoiled myself on most things about Raven since I did read his spin-off manga and watched relevant scenes of him. And get a feel of the relationships shared between the characters through fics too. The scene where Raven apparently talked to Estelle and she smacked him a good one was one that I wanted to try my hand at. 
> 
> The wonderful art that accompanied one of the scenes in this piece was done by the lovely desFraisesPartout! Please check out more of their art at their [Tumblr!](https://desfraisespartout.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thus I give you this piece! It's basically self indulgence at its finest cause I just wanted to put the old man through Pain and that I wrote this based completely on my feelings at 3 AM, which was a weird time to feel Feels y'know? 
> 
> Anyway, I hope this is an enjoyable read still!

Raven didn't know when Raven started trickling into Schwann. Over the years, it had been the ~~only way to cope~~ easy to compartmentalize and keep his two personas separate. Raven was the right hand man of Don Whitehouse, frivolous and fun to have at bars, known as a 'fishy old man' by this ragtag bunch of kids. He fooled around, flirted with just about anyone who caught his interest and made his complaints about being a poor, overworked old man well known to everyone around him. 

Raven was loud and silly and wasn't worth taken seriously on most matters. 

Schwann Oltorain, on the other hand, was silent and serious and had the confidence of the people around him in spades. Being the Captain of the Imperial Knights, he was someone that new recruits idolized and set as goals to achieve. No one questioned his strength and leadership. Everyone breathed his name with respect. Schwann was the ideal knight. ~~The perfect puppet.~~

He always made it a point to keep his other mask under lock and key when he donned one. That way, no one would equate Raven with Schwann and vice versa. 

And it worked for years. The Don suspected his background but he never forced him to divulge. ~~Except telling him to stop being an empty shell~~ ~~.~~ He simply put Raven through the paces, putting him through labor jobs and playing messenger until he found himself sitting in meetings by the Don's side, establishing himself as someone trustworthy within Altosk. 

If he had to make one connection between Raven and Schwann, he'd say that both of them preferred to follow orders. It was easier that way, having leaders to follow and commands to execute. Raven and Schwann simply had to focus on performing to the best of their respective abilities. 

So, when did the lines between Raven and Schwann started blurring together? Was it his interactions with the Don and his grandson? His meeting with a certain cellmate while he waited for Alexei to pick him up? The time spent with these kids that consisted of bright eyed princesses, genius mages, young guild leaders, mysterious beauties, tough mutts and a force of nature unlike any he'd met before? 

Schwann's order had been to bring the princess to Alexei so he could execute his plan. He had never questioned any of the commands he received in any real depth of capacity before. He was Alexei's tool to begin with. Tools don't question their owners. All he should be focusing on was bringing Estellise Sidos Heurassein back safely to his side.

Yet Raven started rearing his ugly head at the back of Schwann's mind. Should he _really_ be doing this? Using Estelle's trust against her? Betraying the trust of this group of wonderfully special kids that had somehow wiggled their way into what used to be his heart? 

_Yes. Orders are orders._ Schwann stated. 

_But you're going ta hurt those kids!_ Raven stubbornly argued. 

_Those are Raven's concerns. Not mine._ And that had been the end of that discussion. 

Except Raven once again made Schwann doubt and question everything that he was doing. He could no longer feign ignorance to Estelle's pleads, to her cries of _Raven, help me please!_ Alexei obviously had no concerns for her safety beyond her usefulness. Schwann had basically sent an innocent girl to her doom, and he resented himself deeply for being Schwann and not Raven, who genuinely cared for the princess and that group of wonderful kids who was no doubt searching for _both_ of them. 

The one time Raven pestered Schwann enough to bring up the idea of letting Estelle go, that she didn't deserve any of this, Alexei had simply regarded him with amusement and madness in his eyes. And then his hand brought up the control panel to his Hermes blastia, fingers dancing over the illusionary buttons until Schwann felt himself dying _yet again_ with shuddering breaths and his vision graying at the edges. 

Even then, he heard Estelle's concerned cries for his name and damn it, he could never atone to this. Even hell wouldn't welcome him for being such a despicable monster. 

Though death continued to elude him when the blastia kicked back to life, sending jolts of pain throughout his body. It seemed that Alexei still found him useful despite his momentary show of free will. Raven once again yelled at the back of Schwann's mind upon receiving the order to stop Yuri's group from pursuing them any further. 

Schwann wanted to refuse but he couldn't, not when Alexei threatened the lives of the Schwann brigade. He could not endanger his band of stupidly loyal sons just because they followed their monstrous captain. 

So, like a good puppet, Schwann left to what was probably his last battle. He hoped that Yuri would make it quick, even if he didn't deserve such an end. 

But for a man that had died once, who felt that the only way to atone was with his own life, death continued to slip from his hands. Yuri couldn't make the finishing blow. Pulling off a self-sacrificial move to help the others escape -- Raven had burst through in the end and he _refused_ to let Karol and the kids die in this place -- and being buried underneath a collapsed structure still wasn't enough to kill him. 

Schwann's last attempt to settle things ended with him getting pummeled and now Brave Vesperia owned Raven's life. 

Schwann's now dead and Raven's still alive and damn, he had a lot of messes to clean up now, huh? 

_Let's start with saving Estelle and I'll go from there._

* * *

For how many long agonizing minutes, Raven paced in front of her room, fist hovering over the door to knock several times before second guessing himself. He was probably the last person she wanted to see. The man who betrayed her trust, handed her on a silver platter to a madman that used her like a tool. That made her fight her friends until she begged to be killed. 

Unlike him, she didn't have a choice. 

_"You just gonna keep running away? Doing everything half-hearted until you die?"_ The Don's voice echoed in his mind, reminding him of the conversation that made him question why an empty shell should have a will.

While he still questioned himself on that regard, Raven knew he can't run away from this. Not this time. 

With a gentle knock on the door, he called out. "Estelle? Ya in there?" 

He waited patiently for a response, trying not to fidget in place before the door slowly opened. 

After her ordeal, it was understandable that she'd be exhausted. Even more so that she'd look a little tense upon seeing him, fear blatant on her expression as much as she tried to hide it. Raven knew he deserved this and so much more. It was supposed to hurt. He'd understand if she treated him like the monster that he was. 

Yet, the first thing out of her mouth was, "Raven? Are you alright?"

A sensation similar to when Alexei switched off his blastia gripped him. It must have shown on his features for Estelle's eyes shifted from wariness to concern as she opened the door wider. 

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Despite everything that he put her through, all the pain and fear that she suffered from his actions, Estelle chose to voice her concern for him still. Concern that he didn't _deserve,_ much less from her of all people. 

"No. I'm--I'm fine," he managed to breathe out, keeping the shakiness out of his voice. Raven tried to put on an easy going smile but it probably looked like a grimace. "I was… wondering if I could talk ta ya…"

Estelle regarded him for a moment, still with those worried eyes that gutted him with its genuineness. With a nod, she stepped aside to grant him access into her room. Keeping his gaze on the ground, Raven ended up sitting on the edge of her bed when she beckoned him over. 

It took him a few times to speak through the sudden tightness in his throat. "I just-- I know that I'm the last person ya want ta see, and I know that I don't deserve it but…" A swallow, eyes still transfixed on the ground. "I--I'm sorry, Estelle. I'm really sorry for putting ya through everything."

Silence stretched for what seemed like an eternity. Raven almost wanted to laugh at how much his stomach was in knots waiting for her response. He'd done a lot of horrid things over the years, barely batting an eyelash and this was what got him so anxious over. 

Finally, he heard a little sigh, feeling the mattress shift. 

This was it. She was going to hate him--

"I forgive you."

Wait, what? 

Raven can't help but snap his head up, staring at her like she just grew a second head. Estelle met his gaze with tired eyes and a small yet genuine smile. It took him several long seconds to realize that she _actually meant it._

"I--" He can't help but feel a little stunned, a little dizzy from this revelation. If he still had a heart, it would have beat like a war drum as he tried to wrap his mind around this. 

Estelle? Actually forgiving him? 

No. No she didn't understand. He was a monster. He didn't deserve her forgiveness. He had to make her _understand_ , make her see the _truth_ \--

"Estelle, I-- lied and betrayed yer trust," Raven breathed out desperately. Like a burst dam, everything that he kept under wraps started spewing out of his mouth. "I knew what following his orders meant. I knew and I still manipulated and put ya through hell, tried to kill yer friends and-- and it's my _fault!_ " His tone took on a wild, pitchy quality to it. 

"Don't ya see that I don't-- that I should've di--"

Abruptly, a muffled gasp of surprise cut off his words when Raven found himself pulled sideways into an embrace. When the shock of having thin yet strong arms holding him ebbed away, he belatedly realized that Estelle was _crying._

"I… I felt betrayed. Hurt. _Scared,_ " she pushed out through her tears. "I didn't understand why you did it and it was _wrong_ but… A swallow. "I can't bring myself to hate you. I _don't_ want to hate you. You were… _hurt_ too, by Alexei. Used."

One of Estelle's hands settled on the base of his neck, fingers brushing his hair as if comforting him. Raven didn't realize that he was shaking. 

"You might have done a lot of bad things--" Here, Raven huffed out a watery laugh. "--but that just means you have to work hard to make up for it. You don't… you deserve to _live_ too, Raven. You're not a tool."

Her next words effectively made him crumble. "You're a human being. And my _friend_. That's why I forgive you."

The last time he remembered shedding earnest tears was after the Don's death. Raven recalled himself laughing in anguished hysterics till his throat got hoarse and there wasn't a tear left in him. Tucked in Estelle's embrace, as if hidden from the world, his body shook with his muffled sobs. He allowed everything to flow out, from his regret of ruining something genuinely good in his life to the relief that he had been given a chance to make up for all his wrongdoings. 

Estelle was just so _good_ to him, more than what he deserved but Raven knew deep down, he desperately needed to hear that he didn't ruin things beyond repair. 

Eventually, he managed to pull himself away from her. Estelle's cheeks were wet with her own tears but she was smiling, and Raven found himself returning the smile too. He quickly wiped the edges of his eyes with his sleeve before he tentatively offered the other one to her. 

"I'm sorry that I don't have a proper handkerchief ta offer ya," he said with a little sheepish grin. "And, uh, sorry for making a right mess on your dress." Raven pointedly ignored the wet patch near the princess's bosom. He was really lucky that no one had walked in on their little crying fest. 

Estelle giggled and gingerly dabbed her face with the corner of his sleeve. "It's alright. It's not like this is my favorite." She settled back, hands on her lap and still smiling at him. "How are you feeling?"

Raven paused to give it some actual thought. While he wasn't totally sure that he deserved her forgiveness, he decided that she at least deserved more than his mask. That was a step in the right direction to genuinely earn it.. 

"Honestly? It's still a right mess in this ol' noggin of mine… but I feel better." Freer too, it felt like. Raven heaved out a deep sigh, lips curled into a resigned little smile. "I don't know what I did ta end up with ya forgiving bunch, well deserved punches and all."

"Oh? What do you mean?"

"Well, after my miraculous return from being buried alive, I went ta settle things with the rest. End up being told that my life is owned by Brave Vesperia and then get smacked around some. I gotta tell ya, Karol packed a mean swing when he dunked me. Right up there with our genius mage's famous right hooks."

Estelle giggled once more. "When compared to me, how'd you rate it?"

"Depends. Ya want a piece of ol' Raven too?"

The next thing he knew, a solid fist landed on top of his head. Raven yelped and immediately ducked his head, hands going to tend to the sore area. 

"... ya know, I did offer but. _Ow_." Who knew the dainty looking princess hid a mean hook too? "I guess yer up there with Karol."

"Good." She nodded in self satisfaction. "And now we're even."

Raven surprised himself by bursting out in deep, hearty guffaws. Estelle still knew how to cheer him up despite the emotional ride they went through. It was just one of the many things that she surprised him with tonight. 

"Y'know, if ya and the rest keep this up, this old man might just lose his head. Though I suppose Rita-darlin' would be happy with that."

"Well, I'd like for you to keep your head so maybe it's time for you to rest up?"

Raven felt lighter than he did all his life when he stood up from her bed, flashing her a genuine grin. "Alright, I know when I'm not wanted. I'll leave ya ta get some rest too." 

After bidding their goodnights, Raven left her room. He exhaled a low breath, feeling some of the tension loosen from his shoulders. 

Truthfully, he was still unsure of the future. Of what he wanted to do now that Schwann was dead and Raven apparently had a life to live out. A life that he couldn't say for certain was his right to choose _how_ to live. 

But what he did know was that he wanted to be with these kids and help them out as much as he was able to because they showed that he was _more_ than the circumstances of his birth and the events in his life. 

So, Raven didn't know when Raven started trickling into Schwann but it ended up being a good thing, in the end. 

**Author's Note:**

> One of these days, I'm going to earn up enough for a laptop and by myself the game to play. Until then, fics and fanart will have to do.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
